You Look Like a Toilet

Doesn't it bother you when people suddenly come up saying, "Hey, I saw someone who looks like you the other day! Except, you know, she's taller, and her hair is different."

I get that almost all the time. What is the world telling me-- that my genetic code is simply a spin-off of someone else's? That my finely-sculpted face is a mockery of other people's? That I happen to be the only person in the world who isn't unique (which still makes me unique in a sense, but you get the point) and that my parents have known this for a long time but chose to keep it from me because they're afraid of my tantrums?


Just this morning my best friend messaged me she saw a girl at the airport who had a face that looked like my sister's and mine combined. Her father thought it was me, and yes, I do wish it were me. I want to go on vacation for a while. Anyway, that's beside the point. That girl is probably the third lookalike people have assigned to me. The first is one of my best friends, which makes the whole thing hilarious because we're together most of the time at school. People tend to go into hysterical bouts because they think they're seeing double. Scratch that. It used to be that way, four years ago, when we were at the same height. Now she has grown six inches taller than me. It's one of the most heartbreaking tragedies!

The second is a girl from Antique whom I haven't met. This makes her insignificant and less of a threat, so I won't discuss her.

How do I cope with all the stress, you ask? I drink coffee. It makes me drowsy (quite abnormal but yes, it's true). Also, I pretend I have other things in me that push me a notch higher than my lookalikes, like my ability to keep thugs off two meters of my personal space and my penchant for cursing in German. These ideas are usually induced by depression and a rare case of superiority-inferiority complex.

I think I just wasted three minutes of your life but if ever you do get into the same circumstance, at least now you know who to call and what to do in case my number is busy.