Dark Consensus

Tim Burton's Dark Shadows is one of the most-awaited films of the year for two reasons: one, it's a freaking Tim Burton film; and two, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter are in it.


I love Tim Burton to bits. I love him so much I sometimes consider him my other father. When the trailer of the film, which is actually based on an American gothic soap opera of the same name that aired from 1966 to 1971, was first released, I immediately wrote it under my movie list. Was it worth the wait?

Theatrical poster. Source: RottenTomatoes.com

I'm going to give an honest-to-goodness answer because you are good people. Though this is only my opinion, I think I have enough sense to give a trustworthy answer. Dark Shadows is the screen equivalent of badly made iced coffee from Starbucks. Everyone loves coffee and everyone loves Starbucks when they're not broke, but when a barista makes some kind of mistake and the coffee comes out wrong, suddenly everyone wants to see the world burn.

I'm not sure what exactly Tim Burton and Dan Curtis (screenplay) were trying to prove when they were making Dark Shadows. Burton's older films (Edward Scissorhands, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Nightmare before Christmas, among others) always had far-fetched, imaginative scenes and left me gaping during the credit roll. Perhaps this pulled my standard for his films a considerable extent higher because Dark Shadows left me disappointed.


The dialogues in general are lost between "Hey, I think I'm funny" and "Good enough", with jokes that have been used since the Greeks came up with democracy. It's like they put every other same-themed movie into a blender and added too much sugar.


Despite the lack of original humor, the effects and sets are topnotch. Just enough for a gothic horror-comedy film and not too tacky. I find solace in the well-chosen cast, which I think is the main redeeming quality of the film but Helena Bonham Carter's character is somewhat insipid compared to the others. Johnny Depp is especially sexy - for lack of a less lewd term - even in his Georgian era Edward Cullen getup and Chloe Moretz did a great job playing an angst-ridden and sexually confused teenager. I should try dancing like her and see how many friends I make.

All in all, Dark Shadows can be enjoyable if you aren't a rabid Tim Burton fan. It's a light, brain-friendly  ride through a worn out plot - worth the money as long as you find a good seat in the cinema.