When the Only Good Thing about a Movie is a Girl

I have this undying love for Logan Lerman. To say "I forced my dad to waste money on a movie just for him" is an understatement for my devotion.

The theatrical poster from imdb.com

Today I got to watch The Three Musketeers with my parents (my sister was ranting all the time so she doesn't count) which, if you ask me, is kind of awkward. Kids in this generation are not meant to watch contemporary movies with their parents in theaters. Nevertheless, I took on my dad's offer to see the movie because 1) I have already set out plans to watch it, even if that would have meant going alone and 2) I'm stingy.


I feel sorry for my dad, who is a big fan of the story, because the movie is a complete disappointment. I remember having watched the previous version, the one with Charlie Sheen in it, and I have to say it was better in all sorts of aspects (though my memory cannot be totally trusted.)

The first few minutes of the movie already secured it a spot on my Crap, I just wasted money list (only today I didn't. I'm sorry, Dad.) The story is insubstantial-- the usual Oh my God, someone stole the queen's jewels! Go to London and retrieve them, mighty musketeers! plot, and I'm not even sure which side won. The script is bland. I don't remember laughing until the last scene when a part of the blimp (yes, there were goddamn blimps in seventeenth century FRANCE. You could have at least expected Portugal to come up with that idea.) pushed a guard into the pool. I guess the movie elicited only one emotion from me: giddiness whenever Logan Lerman (who plays D'artagnan) comes into the scene. I also found their accents very inconsistent. They're French! Why do they have British/American/undefined accents?

And why don't they speak French?!

There is one thing in the movie I'd like to applaud. Milla Jovovich, who acts as Milady de Winter (strange name) did a great job in fulfilling her role. Honestly, I think she's the only one who lived up to her character. Orlando Bloom tried too hard to act gay.

I'm sorry if you think the movie was fun. People have different ways of seeing things and I just happened to see epic fail next to the movie title.

You make a good D'Artagnan, Logan Lerman. Squeal, squeal.