Showing posts with label adventures and misadventures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adventures and misadventures. Show all posts

Sunday, 29 May 2011

My Advantage is I'm Younger

I can attest to the thought that my family is more religious than the average Christian household. We never miss Sunday mass and my parents are constantly among the attentive half of the church community. I try to listen to the priest's homily as much as I can but my mind always finds other things to worry about somehow. I know, as a seemingly devout Roman Catholic,  it is utterly unforgivable to daydream during mass. (Right now, actually, I'm thinking of an alibi for this.)

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Survival Tip: Dark Nurses


Imagine this scenario:

You've accidentally cut off your own uvula and you rush to the hospital. You are confused; the blood in your head is being drained out and you are about to pass out due to lack of oxygen and intense pain, and because you  saw Miley Cyrus on the way. You bolt into Dr. House's office and ask what to do. Dr. House gives you a questioning look and asks you to wait outside, where he proceeds a couple of minutes later and says, "Read the goddamn instructions before you do anything stupid." 

The people in the corridor look at you. You begin to sweat. Schmuck. This is embarrassing. To hell with instructions. 

Dr. House continues to holler out insults and ultimately asks, "Where did you finish high school?!"

Saturday, 16 April 2011

Miracles DO Happen

Today marks the birth of a new era--

-- an era where kids my age are less idle, have more time and drive to burn butt cheek fat and have more initiative to have toned arms. Today, in short, has been a very productive day for me.

The best part of it was doing laundry. No, I did not enjoy washing clothes and and acquiring muscle aches; I am reveling in the fact that I was able to withstand two hours of mastering the art of manually doing the things a washing machine was invented to do. Our laundry woman has been sick for the past two days and my mother, in fulfilling her mission to teach us basic survival skills (because I'm off to college, boo-yeah!), pulled me and my sister into the laundry room, took two stools and four tubs, and whipped out soiled clothes from the baskets. I was petrified. I searched my memory for sins I must have committed the day before but settled for the concept of causeless chastisement.

I've done laundry before, but that was just among the many undertakings I had during nonage, which means I never took the experience seriously and gave up after about three pieces of apparel. Today was different; I had no choice, really, but to give in to the pleas of my good-natured side. I didn't do much hard labor, actually. Thank you, washing machine. Thank you, Hamilton Smith!

Needless to say, I survived.

#

P.S. One tip when doing laundry: Do it with other people. It lessens the emotional burden, trust me.

Friday, 15 April 2011

What Rhymes With Soup?

One of the most challenging parts of the enrollment process is the collection of specimen for urinalysis and fecalysis. Okay, perhaps the former can be disregarded, since all it takes for the urinary bladder to reach its limit is a few glasses of water. But I'm pretty sure everyone agrees that being forced to take a dump in a place other than your house and the mere thought of having it examined are just appalling.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Scary Instructor + Rio de Janeiro

Today had no schedule laid out, but it was pretty hectic. I woke up to random text messages, and one of them was from my friend who asked me to join him in flunking his first two hours of manning the steering wheel-- which, in his defense, never really got me in an ambulance for any physical damage. Mental trauma, yes, but it didn't go further than that. I was singing a portion of Rebecca Black's Friday  (in my head, of course. I didn't want the instructor to have LSS for the rest of the ride) about which seat to take but I ended up sittin' in the backseat anyway.