Gusto ko magka Alexandria's genesis!!! (I want to have Alexandria's Genesis!!!)- which, I heard, might merely be a product of people's wishful thinking, much to everyone's dismay.
Of course I Googled it. I didn't want to be left out of the information network and it seemed pretty interesting for people to say they want a disease.
Long ago, in Egypt, when they still hadn't realized people of lower castes make good slaves, a mysterious, blinding light flashed. This caused the people in the village to develop purple eyes and porcelain skin. They were called spirit people (I applaud their creativity) and they relocated into the northern areas where they disappeared. Then in 1329, England, a girl named Alexandria Augustine was born with blue eyes that turned purple when she reached her first birthday. She gave birth to four children, all female, who lived for over a hundred years and never got sick.
| It's out to get you. |
The symptoms of Alexandria's Genesis are:
UberSkin which can render all commmercially-blessed brands of SPF- and glutathione-packed lotion useless. Also, you have shining, shimmering, splendid skin devoid of any body hair as a bonus feature and can get mistaken as one of the Cullens.
Inborn contact lenses the color of eggplants. You won't spend on cosmetic lenses anymore (20/20 eyesight, baby) and you will be employed by agents who think it's time to revive the reign of Elizabeth Taylor in the movie scene. Unfortunately, people will try to hunt you and gouge out your eyes and have them (your eyes) implanted in their (the people's) sockets.
Built-in Anti-ageing Stuff so you won't have to worry about wrinkles and soon-to-be-sagging skin. You have a hundred and seventy years to sin and repent, as well as procreate and take over the world. Soon, the human population will have perfect genes.
The Ultimate Immune System which is totally hardcore. It's like having intangible antibiotics and vitamins glued your body. You can resist all kinds of diseases (even though what you are already sick with Alexandria's Genesis) and retroviruses hate you. Science hates you for being flawless. Doctors hate you for putting them out of business.
No-Waste System. It's kind of disgusting, actually, to think that all the food you consume goes nowhere or suddenly vanishes. I wonder how their excretory systems work. Females also don't undergo menstruation but are fertile.
And prolly the most insane perk:
Zero percent Weight Gain or partial lipodystophy for the laterally-challenged, plainly anorexic or just those who want to be rid of subcutaneous fat forever. You don't feel guilty about eating more than two tablespoons of carbohydrates or downing over three hundred calories per day. Imagine a world where bulimics don't exist, where people are confident about themselves and where we don't have to listen to annoying complaints coming from people with waistlines lower than twenty-three about being too fat. That, my friends, is Utopia.
Humans, by nature, are inquisitive creatures. (Note that I am using the powers of euphemisms here.) Whenever they see something unusual they always create some kind of legend or story about it. Many unanswered questions frame the concept of Alexandria's Genesis disease, and I'm pretty sure it's nonexistent. If it did exist, though, where did that flash of light come from?
I'm thinking, Aliens.
0 comments:
Post a Comment